Get serious, not serial.

 

Beware the lure of serial dating – you might lose your whole self in your quest always to be someone else’s other half…

There’s nothing like the feeling you get when you’re in love. Your steps seem lighter, the sun shines brighter and everything is just rainbows and butterflies.

It’s so reassuring to have someone to talk to, someone to lean on – you know there’s always somebody who’ll be there for you, whenever you need them.

As women, we have a lot of love within us and it brings us a sense of stability and fulfilment when we have someone with whom to share this love. It becomes a habit – we grow accustomed to our ‘other half’ – and instead of remaining a whole, we become just that, one half of a partnership.

While this may not be a completely bad thing, the problem comes in when the relationship doesn’t last. You are no longer a whole. You miss your other half. So what do you do? You find another half and … BOOM! You’re a whole person again, right – or not?! You’re a serial dater.

Can’t remember the last time you were single?

It’s easier to go from one relationship straight into another in order to avoid all the pain that comes with losing a partner.

Getting into another relationship distracts you. “John who?!” You quickly forget about your ex-boyfriend (the good and the bad parts) and you don’t have to deal with any pain.

Can’t imagine why anyone would want to be single?

Being single can be a scary thought straight after a break-up. You have to pick up the pieces and begin again. What many women don’t realise is that being single is a part of healing.

You need to heal in order to work through all the baggage of the relationship you just came out of because baggage doesn’t disappear – it follows you and one day it will catch up.

 “I can do everything I did when I was single while being in a relationship”

Another common symptom of a serial dater is to put emphasis on the fact that they can do anything (with the exception of playing the field of course) that a single woman can do.

No, you can’t. Being in a relationship requires time, effort, understanding and compromise. You have to think about yourself as well as your partner.

Single women have time to focus on themselves and truly being all they can be – alone. This works because when Mr Right comes along, they won’t be left with the feeling that they missed out or thinking “what if” and if by some chance things with ‘Mr Right’ don’t work out, they have the strength to wait for what they deserve.

There’s a difference between being in love and being comfortable

Yes, there is a very big difference. Being ‘in love’ with someone is not the same as ‘loving’ someone. You love your friends, your mother, and your brother, or your dog. It’s natural to be comfortable with someone you love and not want to hurt them. There is safety in the familiar.

Don’t settle for comfort because you’re scared. Being ‘in love’ is worth the struggle and the search.

Serial killers choose their victims. They go through dozens of people who all have something in common. Serial daters go from relationship to relationship – dating ‘the same’ guy, and going through the same problems.

“A woman becomes a woman when she realises she doesn’t need a man to comfort her.” Take the time to find yourself, what you love, who you are and where you want to be. Learn to love yourself and live your life to the fullest alone and Mr Right will find you. Remember you need a man only to COMPLEMENT you, not COMPLETE you.

 
(This was one of my first “published” articles)
Article originally posted on All4Women.co.za.