Get serious, not serial.

 

Beware the lure of serial dating – you might lose your whole self in your quest always to be someone else’s other half…

There’s nothing like the feeling you get when you’re in love. Your steps seem lighter, the sun shines brighter and everything is just rainbows and butterflies.

It’s so reassuring to have someone to talk to, someone to lean on – you know there’s always somebody who’ll be there for you, whenever you need them.

As women, we have a lot of love within us and it brings us a sense of stability and fulfilment when we have someone with whom to share this love. It becomes a habit – we grow accustomed to our ‘other half’ – and instead of remaining a whole, we become just that, one half of a partnership.

While this may not be a completely bad thing, the problem comes in when the relationship doesn’t last. You are no longer a whole. You miss your other half. So what do you do? You find another half and … BOOM! You’re a whole person again, right – or not?! You’re a serial dater.

Can’t remember the last time you were single?

It’s easier to go from one relationship straight into another in order to avoid all the pain that comes with losing a partner.

Getting into another relationship distracts you. “John who?!” You quickly forget about your ex-boyfriend (the good and the bad parts) and you don’t have to deal with any pain.

Can’t imagine why anyone would want to be single?

Being single can be a scary thought straight after a break-up. You have to pick up the pieces and begin again. What many women don’t realise is that being single is a part of healing.

You need to heal in order to work through all the baggage of the relationship you just came out of because baggage doesn’t disappear – it follows you and one day it will catch up.

 “I can do everything I did when I was single while being in a relationship”

Another common symptom of a serial dater is to put emphasis on the fact that they can do anything (with the exception of playing the field of course) that a single woman can do.

No, you can’t. Being in a relationship requires time, effort, understanding and compromise. You have to think about yourself as well as your partner.

Single women have time to focus on themselves and truly being all they can be – alone. This works because when Mr Right comes along, they won’t be left with the feeling that they missed out or thinking “what if” and if by some chance things with ‘Mr Right’ don’t work out, they have the strength to wait for what they deserve.

There’s a difference between being in love and being comfortable

Yes, there is a very big difference. Being ‘in love’ with someone is not the same as ‘loving’ someone. You love your friends, your mother, and your brother, or your dog. It’s natural to be comfortable with someone you love and not want to hurt them. There is safety in the familiar.

Don’t settle for comfort because you’re scared. Being ‘in love’ is worth the struggle and the search.

Serial killers choose their victims. They go through dozens of people who all have something in common. Serial daters go from relationship to relationship – dating ‘the same’ guy, and going through the same problems.

“A woman becomes a woman when she realises she doesn’t need a man to comfort her.” Take the time to find yourself, what you love, who you are and where you want to be. Learn to love yourself and live your life to the fullest alone and Mr Right will find you. Remember you need a man only to COMPLEMENT you, not COMPLETE you.

 
(This was one of my first “published” articles)
Article originally posted on All4Women.co.za.

Macaroons

I’m obsessed with macaroons. I could eat them all day, everyday.

And the best thing about them is that they come in all colours. I love colours.

I am holding back the drool just thinking about them.

Anyways…

I came across a recipe they other day. Seems legit.

I am a disaster in the kitchen but perhaps one day I may decide to attempt it.

If you love macaroons as much as I do, here’s how to make them…

RECIPE:

*Makes 24 double macaroons.

Ingredients for Macaroons

2 cups (500 ml) ground almonds
1 ¼ cups (300ml) castor sugar
4 egg whites
Pinch of salt
1 tsp (5 ml) rose-water

Method for Macaroons:

Dry the almonds overnight in a 70 °C (160 °F) oven.
The following day, increase the oven temperature to 150 °C (300 °F).
Put the almonds and sugar in a saucepan over medium heat until the sugar has melted. Do not stir, as the sugar will crystallise.
Take the almond-sugar mixture off the stove and let it cool slightly.
Whisk the egg whites with the salt until soft peaks form. Fold this into the almond and sugar mixture, and then fold in the rose-water.
Layer a baking tray with greaseproof paper and butter the paper.
Spoon the biscuit mixture into a piping bag and pipe small rounds (about the size of a teaspoon) onto the buttered paper, about 3cm apart.
Bake for 20-30 minutes. Remove from the oven and lift from the baking tray while still hot. Place on a wire rack to cool.

 

Ingredients for Ganache:

7 Tbsp (105ml) fresh cream
¼ cup (60 ml) white chocolate

Method for Ganache:

Bring the cream just to boiling point. Chop the chocolate finely and place in a heatproof bowl.
Pour the boiling cream over and stir until the chocolate has melted. Leave to cool slightly.
Sandwich the macaroons together with 1 tsp (5 ml) ganache.

Recipe compliments of Chef Chris Eramus from Pierneef at La Motte

 

Live your own fairytale.

I blame Disney movies for women’s high expectations in love and for men’s inability to measure up to those expectations.

We grow up watching these “too good to be true” motion pictures where good ALWAYS triumphs over bad, the damsel is ALWAYS in distress and Prince Charming ALWAYS finds a way to rescue her ( while his hair and perfect face remain in place). Love conquers all and they all live happily ever after.

I think it creates a false perception in little children. We grow up waiting for the perfect love and believe that without it we’re not good enough – life’s not good enough. So much valuable time passing as we continuously wait for our “Prince Charming” or “Damsel in distress” to arrive along with our “happily ever after”.

The problem with Prince Charming is he doesn’t exist. You see, nobody’s perfect. And the problem with the “Damsel in distress” is that women can actually help themselves. They’re allowed to be independent and happy BEFORE they meet a man.

Often people miss out on great opportunities because they weren’t presented in ‘the form’ they were expecting to find it.

If you go through life setting specifications for the guy or girl you are hoping to find, you’re limiting yourself. Allow yourself to get to know people and THEN decide. You never know who you might fall for. You might just surprise yourself.

Some of the most romantic stories involve an unlikely couple getting together.

Forget Disney, live your own fairytale.

Image by: Emlyn Emelen – “Emelen Photography”

Image by: Nik Basting – “Nik Basting Photography”

Image by: Gaynor Yorath

Image by: Jessica Shimmin – “Media Monster”

Image by: Logan Lopata

Image by: Sonya Solanki

Appreciate Imperfection.

We live in a world where there is quite a narrow definition of beauty. It’s usually tall, thin with long straight hair and fairish skin – green or blue eyes are an added bonus.

Don’t let society dictate what you can appreciate.

We are all beautiful in our own special way. Choose to see the splendor in the imperfections of life, that’s what makes it beautiful.

After all, what’s a beautiful face without a beautiful heart?

Embrace all kinds of beauty.

No hope.

Have you ever felt like you just can’t anymore?
Like nothing has a point?
Everywhere you turn the universe seems to be throwing something at you?

Then again, you may be getting your period.
I think that’s my problem today. I feel SO unnecessarily emo.

The one thing I hate most about being a girl is the fact that we have to menstruate. It’s such a long process as well.
You experience physical pain, you bleed and you’re on an emotional roller coaster ride for days before, during and after your period.

Men will never understand.
And neither will I.

Anyone want my ovaries?

The hardest part about growing up…

To me, the hardest part about growing up is growing apart from those people you were always closest to. As we get older responsibilities creep in, people fall in love, interests change and people grow a part.

The one side of my bedroom wall is covered with pictures of those I hold closest to my heart. It’s filled with my favourite memories and people. When I woke up this morning, I found myself staring at all the pictures – the people – stages of my life; some new faces, some reoccurring faces and some faces that faded away.

I’ve always been blessed with the most amazing friends. And there are so many people that I miss.

But I guess part of life is growing up; cherishing, changing and expanding your circle of friends. The important part is that we remember to make time for EVERYONE that is special to us, never forget who was there for us and hold the happy memories close to our hearts.

“There comes a time in your life when you realise who matters, who never did, and who always will. So don’t worry about the people from your past, because there is a reason they didn’t make it to your future.”

KOL ♡

Bad decisions make good stories.

When you make a decision, you make a choice – you choose a particular course of action when given two or more alternatives.

With that being said, there are two types of decisions that can be made – good decisions and bad decisions. Good decisions are usually the decisions we are expected to make while the bad decisions are often “stupid” or “impulsive” – usually not thought through.

While good decisions are the safe and more logical choice, they aren’t the most exciting. A good decision would be to stay in on a weekend and finish all your assignments according to a pre-planned schedule. A bad one would be to stay out the entire weekend, party until you can’t stand anymore and worry about your assignments later. But honestly, which story would you rather hear?

What makes bad decisions good stories is the fact that when people make bad decisions, it’s a case of act first think later. There’s no time to predict the outcome, there’s a thrill in this. The outcome itself is an experience in its own. There’s a lot to learn from taking risks although the consequences may not always be pleasant.

A bad decision is never a mistake, only a lesson learned and if you make them enough you’ll soon learn the importance of making good decisions (and how to make them).

It’s important to be able to make decisions in order to solve a problem or take advantage of an opportunity which has been presented. Decisions both good and bad ones, are a vital part of finding direction.

In theory decision-making is supposed to be a rational process but let’s be honest – the decisions we make aren’t always logical. Sometimes emotions get in the way and that ALWAYS leads to problems.

It is impossible to make good decisions all the time. People are allowed to make bad decisions, it’s how they choose to deal with the decisions they make that defines them.

If you screw up, it’s not the end of the world. Remember the lesson that you walked away with. Don’t be afraid of making bad decisions and don’t be ashamed of the bad ones you’ve already made, because no good story ever started with “This one time when I ate a salad…”

Gangs target teen girls.

Today I read an article that blew me away. While browsing through my Twitter feed the title, “Rise in gang rapes of teen girls”, grabbed my attention immediately. The article speaks about a brave teen girl who survived a gang rape. The 15 year old and her family are standing up against her attackers and pressing charges despite the fact that their lives may be in danger because of it.

Honestly, I take my hat off to this girl and her mom. I’m not sure I’d have the courage to do the same – not many people would. The girl’s mother says selflessly in the article that she will not drop the charges because she doesn’t want it to happen to someone else’s child.

Here are some of the shocking truths about violent abuse (extracted from the article):

  • 50 000 – the average number of reported rapes in SA every year
  • 10 000 000 – the number of actual rapes experts believe are happening every year
  • 3 – the percentage of rape cases that actually result in cases going to court
  • 28 000 – the number of reported sex violations against SA children last year
  • 5 – the percentage of children who will be sexually abused before they turn 18
  • 85 – the percentage of rapists who are armed with a knife or a firearm
  • 65 – the percentage of women who get raped in their homes
  • 1000 – the number of domestic violence cases reported by Mitchell’s Plain cops every month.

MEC for Community Safety Dan Plato is quoted saying “Alcohol and drugs are major contributors for rapes and many may feel they do not want to lay a charge.” [My response to his comment?] Thank you for that Captain Obvious, now what are YOU going to do about it?

With elections coming up this is the perfect opportunity for both the ANC and the DA (and all the smaller political parties) to stop all the talk and start taking action. Our people deserve better, especially innocent children.

We all know Rome wasn’t built in a day but maybe if our politicians worried less about power and worried more about the people who put them into power, the future of all South African citizens would be looking a lot brighter.

Click here to read the article:  Rise in gang rapes of teen girls

Song for the day :)

I grew up listening to Des’ree, I remember my aunt playing her music quite often.

Today I heard this song and it made me smile. The lyrics are really inspiring.

“Listen as your day unfolds, challenge what the future holds.Try and keep your head up to the sky. Lovers, they may cause you tears. Go ahead release your fears, stand up and be counted. Don’t be ashamed to cry.”

Have a listen. Enjoy!